Man, it has been quite some time. The pirate thing has taken off and I'm deep into it. It is always funny when a new addiction pops up in my life. I am ready for parades and celebrations. I even have a festival this fall. My heals and legs have taken a beating.The shop is doing okay. Extra advertising from the pirate thing is paying off. It all seems so surreal lately.more later
Why is it that every time I rant, I feel better? I have been working to help Hope fit in at the plunder. Both Betty and Pam have expressed some concerns, but for some reason, I believe she will be okay. Maybe, it is that old fight for the underdog since I wanted to be treated that way as an alcoholic thing.....I don't know. She is making many mistakes, but can turn it on when she is confident that I support her. I believe that may be the key. She needs a better understanding of the framework of Pirate's Plunder. If she has it, it will allow her to build from it and not focus on all the "rules" she thinks exist.
Okay, so it isn't quite tomorrow. I just heard that Tom Delay will not seek office again. In fact, he will quit the House this May.....well, there is a God.Now, if anyone ever doubted my feelings about the illegal crooks that run the white house, then here is a rant.If I were Christian, I would be embarassed to have a president and his fellow henchmen consider themselves fellow Christians. They scream bloody murder at people who seek abortions.....but support the death penalty for mentally ill and children. They claim to care, but planned the war on thousands before they had even gone to the United Nations. They claim to protect the nation, but focus on our southern border since it is a nice diversion from looking at the ports and airports which both are less secure than they were before September 2001. They play the September eleventh card to justify disregard of civil law. They create "town meetings" that only those who agree with the distortions they proclaim are allowed to attend. They berate honest dessent as disloyal ramblings. They claim to be "at war" so that they can justify their actions....well, they are not at war...they have a war, but it is a mess. Thanks to a Higher Power, they will eventually reap what they have sewn.....Those who trusted these crooks will hopefully learn to think rather than just accept the crap that others still fork into their closet....they are the mushrooms of America....the bland propoganda hogs....they eat the garbage without looking at it first.Now, where do I stand?I believe we need national health insurance.I believe we need to revamp our concept of immagration. We need to make it easier to come into the country leagally. We need to assist countries in our hemisphere with keeping folks in their own country...by helping them create ways for people to want to stay there.I believe we need to strictly control lobbying....by eliminating any and all gifts, lunches, favors, and trips.I believe we need to control drug companies. We need to allow people to get drugs from other countries.....at their own risk.I believe we need to regulate the ingredriants to make Meth. We need to make sudaphedrin (sp) is banned.I believe we should fully fund campaigns with federal money and eliminate contributions over two dollars per person (so that everyone can feel like they are participating).I believe we should ban assault rifles and make ammunition for all guns regulated by federally run stores with computer links to allow a set maximum of shells sold to each person.I believe we need to legalize marijuana and some other drugs to allow the "war on drugs" to change into helping the addicts rather than jailing them...and making a ton of money on keeping the other drugs illegal.We need to regulate alcohol as much as we regulate herione.There....is that enough to start?More? How about telling Bill O Reilly that he is the closest thing to Joe McCarthy that I have seen in many years.I believe we need make negative campaigning illegal.next?
Well, again it has been many weeks since I have posted something here. Life has progressed and seems to continue along that road of happy destiny. I have now passed another milestone...seven years. It took a few days to truly grasp. I am learning. Tomorrow, I will take some time and post something.
The world just keeps spinning. It seems to go faster and faster. The Plunder is taking on the task of redefining itself. It is becoming a new entity. I pray for the better. I seem to be changing too. I was so very much hurt by Larry and Barbara. I don't know what I would have done without HP,the steps, and Beloved. Recruiting my crew away to take over the Plunder when my back was against the wall was way uncool. The girls didn't bite. I was gratified. The girls came up with selling the pirate stuff to share the profits with the Plunder. I was humbled. Now, I seem to be renewed in strength enough to see Larry and Barbara move out entirely. I am hurt, but they all buoy my spirits. HP is there. HP is there. Hp is always there. I had to get there again...close. I have to every day. I don't do that well. Why was it that I used to think that it was easy to be spiritual? I remember that.....how I looked at those with time. I used to wonder why they struggled after several years of sobriety. I was shocked at their difficulties. How could they struggle? Didn't they know yet the secret? Well, times change. More is revealed. More is learned. I am just on the brink of a whole new valley of learning and understanding. It is there...the view is spectacular...both the desert and flowering gardens. It is all there...and all I have to do is have enough faith to walk down the slope and begin to explore the closeness of all that lays before me. Fear. The one thing that seems to shapeshift it's way into my brain. I can fear the world. I can fear the impending disaster without a name. I can fear what I know and what I don't know. Only faith that all is the way it should be and will be....that is my only defense. I just have to grasp onto it before the fear takes hold. How do I turn off that head of mine? It still jumps up at three in the morning and at 2 in the afternoon. It can light up almost anytime and begin the spin. That spin that can put me in terror, depression, or joy. It can be everything all at once, too. I need to remember all this. I need to remember the inconsistencies in me. I need to remember how life is just that...life. It has no good or bad. I judge the good and bad. I start that game. God says to just accept. I have to learn to stay closer to God...to be Godclose in my learning to live within the situations that face me.
I just realized it has been a full month since I've written anything.....egads. Okay. Well, the Plunder is doing some pretty good stuff. The sales suck, but it is winter. My expectations sometimes do forget about the season. Larry and a few other dealers did leave. I felt really lost until I sat down and starting doing the steps on it. God, I just don't know how to do this stuff. I just hauled back and gave it all I had. The relief came slowly. I still is coming, but more often during the day. The serenity lasts longer and longer. I even helped Betty get back into it a bit...even though her resentments toward Larry and Barbara are far stronger than even mine. Yes, they tried to steal my employees and dealers. Yes, they tried to skeem to take the Plunder. Yes, they even started a new bank account in the same bank as the Plunder so that the cash flow would be accellerated. It all doesn't matter. What matters is that we need to continue to put out positive energy and do what we can do to make the Plunder a success. Let those who project negative energy reap what they sow.
Man, there are times in this life that I just can't keep it all together. Thank God, there is a program that can help keep me sane...if only for an hour or so at a time."First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work."~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 62~That about says it....I gotta let that old behavior go. Isn't it strange? How long has it been? Wow, more will be revealed is so much more than just a saying. I cannot believe all that life is every day. There are times when I wonder if I am truly insane. There are other times that I know that everyone else is insane and I seem to be the only one who has any wits about them. What a wonder this journey remains. As for me today? Tivo arrived and I want to play with it. Beloved is still sleeping....and it's almost ten. Man, this is tough...well, this is a better problem than I used to face LOL
I am having a strange experience as I am typing today. I am listening to myself being interviewed on an internet recovery radio station. I am reliving some of the experiences that brought me to where I am now. It can be a humbling to hear the truth creep out of me as I waddle through the interview. At one time, I would have been smooth and comfortable at the prospect of talking about me, but not at this time. It was a combination of pain and message.I took the steps to make PP a far more secure place. I was so uncomfortable in the process, but the result will help so many. My motives are so different from where they were before I got sober.